The First Dream

 
February 17, 2000
Dream:  Duk Sook and I, about seven, eight years oldàhow we are kept apart by her parents.  In the first part I am forced to run many miles.  I run continuously through a park with lots of redwood trees and as I run through, I see Duk Sook, clinging to a tree, crying for me.  It happens in flashes, as if lit by lightning.  It happens over and over again, where I have to run past her and see her crying.  No one will comfort her.  It is her mother who is making me run past Duk Sook.  I want to save her, to take her in my arms, but I am too young, too small, and I can’t.  The other part is where I have to watch her being put to bed and tied down.  She is miserable all the time.  I can only watch.  Duk Sook and the redwoods and shadows.  Why can’t I even touch her?  She seems so near and yet so far.  It almost hurts to look at her.  No sounds except for the faint echoes of crying.  “Flashbacks” of us playing together, dressing up, playacting.  Growing up together and yet apart.  It’s as if we are twins, sisters, who cannot live without each other.  We feel connected always.  All of this is more painful because I may never actually see her again.